From London

I am still very disappointed with myself.

I expected more from myself.

My teacher had high expectations of me.

I had even higher expectations of myself.

Yet I still failed to deliver good results.

Rehab day 12

Did lots of weights, squats and lunges. Started with hamstring and quads weight lift x 2 sets. Then was single leg squats on blue foam, wobble board and blue circle air thingy and without anything. Couldn't balance initially but Meiyi was there holding my hips stomach butt as I was doing, letting me hold her hand and promising she'll never let me fall.

I'm so glad because with rehab I've learnt how to trust people when they say they'll never let me fall (like literally).

Moving on I did legs lift both sideways and upwards, with 2 kilos of weight which was hell. And I saw miss toh at rehab too! Such a coincidence. Then dynamic lunges front and back, 2 sets! Crazy shit tiring but I hope I'll have muscle aches tomorrow when I wake up :)

Piano lesson was next, nothing different but was so enjoyable! Nothing better than doing everything you love on the same day! Lots of mistakes in theory, must really buck up. Learnt new pieces oh yay. :)

Met up with Fadhilah and even though it was a short meet up but it was fun while it lasted! I had a really good day today!

At the risk of sounding like a nerd

My classmates and I were into a discussion "what do you normally do after school?" during lunch time.

As we were talking, their answers were mostly "oh, I meet my friends after school" or "going out" (shopping, with boyfriend, etc).

And then I was asked the very same question. I had no answer then because all I knew is that often after school I would head straight home.

But that wasn't an answer. What do I do at home? I realized. I have an answer. I spend most of the time at home after school, before my family gets home (because they complain the sound of the piano is too loud, and I HATE playing with the mute pedal), practicing the piano.

I spend my time playing the same pieces over and over and over again, until it gets perfect for my next piano lesson. Most of the time, I can spend minimally 2 hours in front of the piano. I can practice till my palms get cramps, my knees ache from too much peddling and my back hurts from sitting upright for too long.

Nerd much, no? I choose to be at home practicing the piano when my classmates are out after school. I don't complain. In fact, I enjoy doing it.

I have (at least) one or two new pieces in addition to (at least) one or two pieces I have on hand. That makes it 4 pieces a week I need to get right in another week. It's not easy. Some times I get all the pieces right, some times I don't. But either way, I'll try my best.

Playing the piano is an escape of reality for me. Every single piece I play brings me to a different place with a different feeling. It's like Alice, in her wonderland.

So I have the answer now. What do I do after school? I play the piano. :)

"Artists paint their pictures on canvas, but musicians paint their pictures on silence."

3 more marks

If I had not screw up that scale.
If I had not missed that note during Vendetta.
I probably would have gotten my 3 marks.

I don't know how or what to describe my feelings now.

Post piano exam

After six months of  (2 hr/lesson) crazy intensifying piano lessons, the most dreaded piano exam is finally over. I finally understand what it meant by screwing up even with so much effort and practice put in. I chose to start the exam with scales+arpeggios/exercises, and when the examiner requested for the Bb harmonic minor scale, I totally blanked out, and I really meant blanked out. I couldn't remember what on earth was that scale.. I didn't know what I played for that four octaves of scales, up and down. I really don't know. I wish I could slap myself on the face. I practiced so hard, done so much, and I screwed up the very first item. I missed notes here and there during the 3 songs, but I don't know whether the examiner noticed it, I'm sure he did, but I'm crossing fingers here that he did not. Sight reading was a screw up, I'm as bad as always. Ear test wasn't that bad after all,  I hope.  Only couldn't spot the final question on changes for pitch. Sigh. I hope to do well. Maybe I should say, I hope to pass. I worked so hard for this.. I really did.

Rehab day 6

138 degree bend. Granted permission to run. Played hop skotch with meiyi. Jumped on the trampoline. Did squats and lunges. Muscles aching like mad but am absolutely loving the aches.

Piano lesson at parkway parade today. The journey there and back home wad crazy, at least 4 hours traveling time in total. Super exhausted right now but it's all really worth it.

The piano at parkway was hollow and super loud as compared to the musky ones I use in my classroom in paragon. Screwed up today's lesson slightly but I cannot blame the piano, I just got to get used to the different kind of pianos. Need to work on it. I am really blessed for my piano teacher. Appreciate and really enjoy every single lesson I have with her. Shopping after lesson + htht in the cab on the way back. Am reallyy thankful for her. She's like the only teacher who has never given up on me. I need to work really hard. I don't want to disappoint.

Even when my best is still not good enough

I tried really hard.
I did all I could.
But it still isn't up to your expectations.

I just want to be good enough, for once.

Rehab day 4

Was crazzzzzyyy. Did leg strengthening exercises, squats, wobble board balance, rode on the stationary bicycle and played Wii. Sounds little but was enough to tire me through the whole day.

Piano mini mock exam with the piano teacher and I think I did not bad, at least I didn't get a zero for my ear test. No piano lesson for the next two weeks till my official mock exam and I'm freaking out. The piano teacher told me, "I'm not worried about you!" --Is that something to be happy about?

Haven't done enough

The outcome of trying to learn/play a pop song that you like: All other homework gets thrown aside and left to be done a day before the lesson.

Been on safe and sound by Taylor Swift for the past week and I totally neglected my other exam piano pieces/ homework AND piano lesson is OMGWTFBBQ TOMORROW.

Totally don't feel like going for lesson tomorrow. I haven't practiced enough, I don't want to go for lesson and disappoint the teacher/make myself feel terrible. Okay I'm waking up at 8am to practice.

I HAVEN'T GOT ONE OF THE PIECES RIGHT. LE SIGH APRYL WHY ARE YOU SO LOUSY?! Or should I just bring the score of safe and sound to the teacher and ask to be taught that instead? ;p Sounds like a good back up plan, no?

Off to do my theory homework, I forgot to do last week's. In all I owe 2 weeks of homework. :(