2012

Filter them out

"I wish I could throw off the thoughts which poison my happiness. And yet I take a kind of pleasure in indulging them."

— Frédérick Chopin

Just because

"I don't wear my heart on my sleeve, doesn't mean I don't have feelings."

CHRISTMAS!

3 years

3 years ago, today, on 23rd of December, my only wish for Christmas was to be able to (start) walking properly.

3 years later, my wishes for Christmas is to own many many many pairs of sky high heels and stilettos.

My dead knee turns three today. Happy deathsary my dear knee. I miss you, terribly. I miss my knee before injury. So badly.

But the next time I'd want to be wheeled in to an operating theatre would be when I've to give birth, nothing else. I miss you acl, do you hear me?

21st December.

Spent 21st December, which was supposedly the end of the World, with this girl.

Friends - not the people you knew the for the longest

but it's who came, and never left your side.

Valse de L'Adieu

The waltz is in A-flat major, with a time signature of 3/4. The tempo is marked at tempo di valse, or a waltz tempo. The beginning theme, marked con espressione, is melancholic and nostalgic, and reaches a small high point with a fast flourish. The second part is marked sempre delicatissimo, or con anima in other versions. It is somewhat more cheerful that the previous theme, but soon gives way to the same first theme. After a second rendition of the first theme is a third theme, marked as dolce, the most playful theme. It leads to another theme with a series of ascending double-stops. This fourth theme is marked poco a poco crescendo, with other editions adding ed appassionato. This leads back to the third, playful theme, and returns back to the beginning with a da capo al fin.

the song that represents (all) the romance that never was
i feel chopin's sorrow

9th month post op!

It has been an amazing journey. From walking into the hospital to be wheeled into the surgery waiting area, then wheeled into the operating theatre, witnessing the huge lights and seeing surgeons with their surgical masks. Then waking up in a hospital, being on a drip, etc.

Starting physiotherapy with Karen, then with Meiyi taking over. Thankful for the two beautiful women who changed my life over the short span of (1 year and) 9 months. It was amazing witnessing myself taking my first few steps again I vividly remember Karen pulling my shorts to prevent me from falling, and then I started jumping and Meiyi was there with her hands for me to grab and was a pole for me whenever I needed support, even when doing squats. Soon after I witness myself starting to run, then faster and faster and getting more even with my footsteps. Words can never express my gratitude to them because they've shown me that I can take on the world, even without an ACL.

Feeling empty that I'm officially off physio, but I'm glad I've made it through and would never want to be back again.

OFF PHYSIO

Officially off physiotherapy although I still think I'm not ready yet despite my strength, jumps, etc were "good enough" for my return to Netball.

Maybe I should try to stop being where I was, last time, being a competitive athlete. Maybe I should just stop trying to achieve where I was when I fell down.

Then I look back and there, I see myself during training, able to complete 2.4km within 12 mins, suicide run in 25 seconds (being one of the faster ones), running and sprinting without having to bother whether my knee can take it, "flying" on court, doing nice interceptions, etc. There're too many countless things.

But the thing is, I can't do any of those right now.

I take 20 mins to complete 2.4km. I can't sprint. I feel slower than a snail despite trying my very best. Sometimes I wonder if this ACL recon was even worth it. I've lost all my strength on court.

Maybe I should stop trying.
Maybe I'm just not cut out for this.

I miss netball.
I miss competitive netball.