OKAY.

But who can remember pain once it's over?

All that remains of it is a shadow.

Not in the mind even, in the flesh.

Pain marks you, but too deep to see.

Out of sight, out of mind.

I'm employed!

Got employed with YMCA as casual staff, pay's really quite pathetic though. But it's okay, I need the experience so I can do what I want to do in the future! Starting work the week after, I don't know how I should feel, happy maybe? I don't know though. But despite the pathetic pay, the best thing about this job that it really is casual - which means I can work as and when I am free, no strings attached! Love this kind of freedom!

JOBHUNT

Been sending out countless numbers of resumes to many different companies until I CANNOT EVEN KEEP TRACK. Shortlisted for an interview yesterday and when the person called me, I was like,

 "Who are you? Why are you calling me Come again, which company are you from? Oh? So I did apply for a job with your company. I'm so sorry I really forgot about it, haha"

 Okay that was laoookuiiii max.

BUT they wanted me to go down today, at 5.30 for the interview but I have a damn exam. SHIT YOU STATS. Ruined me my chance of getting a job. I really really really need a job. I'm so broke I can't even

I need to save money, I want to study something I like. I need to save money for my education. Overseas maybe? Or private education. I don't know, haven't given that special thought. Psychology? Music? Physiotherapy? I want to study them all.

I need the money. I REALLY REALLY REALLY HOPE SOMEONE EMPLOYS ME :(

Dreams

Watching the documentary on physiotherapists, and it has really really really inspired me to become one in the future, just like Karen and Meiyi. I see how they change lives, just like how they've changed mine, and I also want to be like them too! I want to make a difference in people's life, in one way or another.

But dreams are still dreams after all, and sometimes dreams are always unreachable and unattainable. No university in Singapore offers physiotherapy as a course... And I've got no money to go overseas to study. Sigh. Back to reality.

Do dreams ever come true?

Confessions

I haven't studied for today's paper. At all. And I also haven't studied for tomorrow's paper too, not even the slightest bit.

School this semester has made me hate school like never before. It's like hate being brought up to another level. I don't even want to see books or anything related because it's just so... (finds word to fit).

I've kept all my lecture notes right from Y1S1 but 2 weeks back right after the RAD paper, I went home and threw all related materials away. This is how much I hate school. And today, right after the SEP paper, I will do the same, and this process will also repeat for Stats and IS.

I just can't wait to get my ass out of school. This is becoming so unbearable. I'm staring at my notes now, trying to start studying but here I am, typing this post out on my phone.

Oh well. All these is going to be over in less than 10 days. I don't want distinctions, I only want to pass.

Doctor's Review

Review on the knee today with Prof and I was really turned off with him. He was desperately trying to say I'm fat and all his ACL patients are very fit and I was one of the very rare few "unfit" athletes. Prof, had your hospital reviewed me 3 year ago, I'd probably be as fit as all your other ACL patients too you know? Oh the joke's on me? Oops, I forgot to laugh.

Anyway he said my knee's in good shape but I think it really isn't :( Ambulation isn't good, there's still sharp pain when going against gravity, still lopsided when I run, but oh well, Prof has the last say aye?

Hello gorgeous

You're finally mine!

EWF!

Met this crazy girl for lunch at Everything With Fries despite my diet plan which wasn't actually working hahaha. Caught up with each other's life during lunch and had a great time doing what we do best - gossiping about other people :p Short, but great time spent together! Need to do more of these more often! :)

You can overcome this

Your thoughts are not who you are; they are not reality. You can have all sorts of concepts of water, but they can't quench your thirst. Thoughts are not the truth. If you can recognize that, your thoughts have less power over you; you can let them go.

Rehab day 11

I'm so tired I can die. 5mins of warm up cycling followed by 3mins + 7mins cycling (with some testing of strength of knee in between). 3 sets of 10 x quads + hamstring weights leg lift. I think my strength is improving! Oh yes. Maybe like by 1kg? Then 3 sets of 10 x double leg wall squats with the big ball. Then 3 sets of 10 x static lunges x both legs. And i died and went to rainbow heaven after that.

The pain

The pain of discipline

vs

The pain of disappointment.

I must make it a point to run (almost) everyday during the holidays. Maybe not the weekends and days when I have rehab.. :p I need to try. Need to do. Need to. Still can feel my leg being so so so weak. Weak. I don't want weak legs.

Okay?

"It’s okay. It’s okay to want someone you can’t have. It’s okay to want something more. It’s okay to cry when you’re hurt, and it’s okay to stay mad at someone who hurt you. Believe it or not, it’s always going to be okay. That’s just how it works. Sometimes things don’t work out how you want them to, and most of the time, it seems like they never will. But eventually, everything is going to iron out some way or another. You just have to believe, keep your faith, and move on."

National day '12

Heaved a big Big BIG sigh of relief when Mr Lee Kuan Yew walked into the parade, alive, but was such a sentimental moment because it suddenly hit me that as the nation progresses, he's growing old too. It saddens me to see him so old.. Long live PM Lee!

Canberran alumni homecoming '12

A little overdue but, yeaaah some of my favorite pictures of the night ;) Got to meet my Netball girls, and miss lee too!

Thankful for the Netball girls being in my life. I really cannot imagine myself being in any other cca except for Netball. They have seen me at my best, and at my worst, crying, sweating, dying on court; during training. I love you girls!

Hello holidays!

Even staring in the air doing nothing the whole day is more interesting than going to school for a day!

Had Internet programming paper yesterday, and after that I met Sheryl for lunch and we spent the whole afternoon just talking and enjoying her company ;)

Life is good, for now.

What are words

I believe it's almost impossible to define what real music is. If you try to put into words what music is trying to say, then you have words, not music. This is why I play music; I have something I believe in, something I try to communicate, but I can't put into words. So I play; it's my way of expressing what I cannot verbalize.

- Vladimir Ashkenazy

The pedal plays an important part in voicing, too. Most of the young pianists today use the pedal as a crutch. Maybe it's because they've been brought up in the automobile age, but they use the pedal on a piano as an accelerator in a cat. To use their phrase, they just "sit on it". They don't feel right unless the accelerator is constantly depressed. Consequently, you seldom hear a real legato. They playing is so notey that the new pianists cannot play a legato if they take the foot off the piano. They were not trained to play in any other fashion. They use the pedal to cover ip sins they commit because of a void in their technical facility. When the pedal is used, it should be only for shading and for accent. But a pianist should not have to depend on it.

- John Browning

Rehab day 10

Single leg squats, hamstring & quads weights lift 12 x 3 sets, standing broad jump, high knee run x10 sets (nearly died while doing this!), staircase drill, 10 min run.

The(two)Rapists who make my rehab as deep as hell can bring me but amazingly fun!

Pretty meiyi with ugly me!

Karen in the uniform! this is going on my Polaroid wall! Pretty!