Once again.
I screwed it up. I screwed up my scales, I played the wrong scales, I hit the wrong notes, my fingers didn't match each other and I could say nothing but I screwed up. The examiner (my principal) was so nice to let me play the scales again. It was another 4 octaves of nonsense.
My fingers twisted in Variation 4 of Air and Variations in E, I couldn't find the notes and I just stopped playing. It took a while to restore my confidence to start playing variation 5. That must have took a fair bit of my marks away. Principal said my waltz was a mess, it didn't sound like a dance at all. Tempi was off all the way, and it needed a lot of improvement. Blue Air was okay, but it needed more colour. But I tried to make the dynamic contrast sound the best I can, but it wasn't enough....
Song of Love was alright, until I screwed Strides for the exercises. Sight reading was shit I can't even find the words to describe it. I hope aural is okay enough to salvage my score.
Principal was nice enough to go through what sucked in my pieces and gave me pointers to improve on my playing. I mean, she literally went through each score and told me what was bad (not good). I guess I needed that, criticism from a third party's point of view. The most genuine ones. And I took it positively, even though I didn't feel good. But it was necessary, she wasn't looking down on me, she was trying to help me. I know. She told me to work harder.
But she doesn't know the amount of effort I put into practicing just for the upcoming exam. The amount of time I sacrifice from my sleep just to practice - only to go to school looking like a zombie. I guess, it's not enough. I HAVE to work harder. I will. I will not disappoint.
