Tuesday, July 31, 2012
Friday, July 27, 2012
Monday, July 23, 2012
Hello
I am not sad. I am not sad.
I think to myself, over and over.
Making sure that the truth isn't apparent.
Lying to myself to make my lie more convincing to others.
I am not sad. I am not sad.
Lying until it isn't a lie anymore, but the truth.
The only thing worse than being sad is having others know you are sad.
I am NOT sad.
Every morning I wake up thinking the day will be better than the one before, and before.
And every night I go to sleep with the same broken promises on my mind, a heavy heart and a heart broken face smile on my face.
I am not sad. I am not sad.
As the days progresses, I find myself wishing to be someone else, somewhere else.
Someone else, somewhere else.
I am NOT sad.
Sunday, July 22, 2012
You know
I realized no one has actually really celebrated my birthday, except for the Netball girls, and which I also think that it's not because they want to, but they need to.
I see feeds on facebooks, and posts on blogs about how their whole class can celebrate their birthday for them, get them presents and stuff, get them a cake, dare the birthday girl/boy to do things in public just because it's their birthday.
I mean, I have not received presents for a long time. Neither have I had outings or what nots on my birthday. The most I'll have a cake from my Netball girls, in which less than half of them will turn up. Because usually the whole team in full force will turn up if it's like peiling's or huan's birthday or whoever's in the team. Just not mine.
Yes i admit, I'm envious. But so what? I'm not important anyway. But who I am to complain or compare anyway? I mean it's not my business anyway right? It's just a birthday, like any other day. Why are you making such a big fuss Apryl?
I see feeds on facebooks, and posts on blogs about how their whole class can celebrate their birthday for them, get them presents and stuff, get them a cake, dare the birthday girl/boy to do things in public just because it's their birthday.
I mean, I have not received presents for a long time. Neither have I had outings or what nots on my birthday. The most I'll have a cake from my Netball girls, in which less than half of them will turn up. Because usually the whole team in full force will turn up if it's like peiling's or huan's birthday or whoever's in the team. Just not mine.
Yes i admit, I'm envious. But so what? I'm not important anyway. But who I am to complain or compare anyway? I mean it's not my business anyway right? It's just a birthday, like any other day. Why are you making such a big fuss Apryl?
Saturday, July 21, 2012
Wednesday, July 18, 2012
Rehab day 9
Zomg I'm actually penning this entry in the mrt on the way home. Rehab just ended, time check: 5.01pm.
I love weeks when I have rehab, at least I have something to look forward to during the week! :) Rehab was so so so tiring today I nearly died.
Started the session with 10 mins of cycling, followed by 10x single leg hop and squats.
Oh shit old age is catching up on me. I actually forgot what I did zzzzz.
Did hamstring and quads weight lift and I sucked at that terribly. I think I had no improvement.. And yaaaa I think I did 4 sets skipping, both forward and backwards. Then 4 sets of side steps also there and back.
Then I did leg lift (up to the hand, shoulder height), both straight and sidewards. Omgomgomg and I was literally dead after that.
Meiyi put me through the phone to Karen after rehab! Yay. She's coming back :)
Note to self: no running if knees hurt/ add in the leg lift (front and side) to daily exercises/ ice every day if possible
Love love rehab.
I love weeks when I have rehab, at least I have something to look forward to during the week! :) Rehab was so so so tiring today I nearly died.
Started the session with 10 mins of cycling, followed by 10x single leg hop and squats.
Oh shit old age is catching up on me. I actually forgot what I did zzzzz.
Did hamstring and quads weight lift and I sucked at that terribly. I think I had no improvement.. And yaaaa I think I did 4 sets skipping, both forward and backwards. Then 4 sets of side steps also there and back.
Then I did leg lift (up to the hand, shoulder height), both straight and sidewards. Omgomgomg and I was literally dead after that.
Meiyi put me through the phone to Karen after rehab! Yay. She's coming back :)
Note to self: no running if knees hurt/ add in the leg lift (front and side) to daily exercises/ ice every day if possible
Love love rehab.
Friday, July 13, 2012
At the risk of sounding like a nerd
My classmates and I were into a discussion "what do you normally do after school?" during lunch time.
As we were talking, their answers were mostly "oh, I meet my friends after school" or "going out" (shopping, with boyfriend, etc).
And then I was asked the very same question. I had no answer then because all I knew is that often after school I would head straight home.
But that wasn't an answer. What do I do at home? I realized. I have an answer. I spend most of the time at home after school, before my family gets home (because they complain the sound of the piano is too loud, and I HATE playing with the mute pedal), practicing the piano.
I spend my time playing the same pieces over and over and over again, until it gets perfect for my next piano lesson. Most of the time, I can spend minimally 2 hours in front of the piano. I can practice till my palms get cramps, my knees ache from too much peddling and my back hurts from sitting upright for too long.
Nerd much, no? I choose to be at home practicing the piano when my classmates are out after school. I don't complain. In fact, I enjoy doing it.
I have (at least) one or two new pieces in addition to (at least) one or two pieces I have on hand. That makes it 4 pieces a week I need to get right in another week. It's not easy. Some times I get all the pieces right, some times I don't. But either way, I'll try my best.
Playing the piano is an escape of reality for me. Every single piece I play brings me to a different place with a different feeling. It's like Alice, in her wonderland.
So I have the answer now. What do I do after school? I play the piano. :)
"Artists paint their pictures on canvas, but musicians paint their pictures on silence."
As we were talking, their answers were mostly "oh, I meet my friends after school" or "going out" (shopping, with boyfriend, etc).
And then I was asked the very same question. I had no answer then because all I knew is that often after school I would head straight home.
But that wasn't an answer. What do I do at home? I realized. I have an answer. I spend most of the time at home after school, before my family gets home (because they complain the sound of the piano is too loud, and I HATE playing with the mute pedal), practicing the piano.
I spend my time playing the same pieces over and over and over again, until it gets perfect for my next piano lesson. Most of the time, I can spend minimally 2 hours in front of the piano. I can practice till my palms get cramps, my knees ache from too much peddling and my back hurts from sitting upright for too long.
Nerd much, no? I choose to be at home practicing the piano when my classmates are out after school. I don't complain. In fact, I enjoy doing it.
I have (at least) one or two new pieces in addition to (at least) one or two pieces I have on hand. That makes it 4 pieces a week I need to get right in another week. It's not easy. Some times I get all the pieces right, some times I don't. But either way, I'll try my best.
Playing the piano is an escape of reality for me. Every single piece I play brings me to a different place with a different feeling. It's like Alice, in her wonderland.
So I have the answer now. What do I do after school? I play the piano. :)
"Artists paint their pictures on canvas, but musicians paint their pictures on silence."
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