What do you look forward to every morning?

I came across one of these notes somewhere on the internet and it really got me thinking, very deeply. Every time when I meet someone or when I bump into someone, the most frequently asked question would be, "How're you?", or "How's your day?"

Honestly, I think that's a rhetorical question that need not be answered. People would say "I'm fine" or "I'm good" just for the sake of answering your greeting. I'm not the most articulate person, but if you're going  to reply someone with "No, I'm not good", really, don't expect genuinely concerned answer, people are most likely going to ask because they want to know what's happening and not that they're really concerned about your matters.

But, really, what do you look forward to every morning? Do you look forward to school? Do you look forward to work? Or do you drag your feet to school, like me? Or do you drag your feet to work?

Expectations.

Are you living based on someone else's expectations? Do you have dreams? Ambitions? Aspirations? Did you grow up wanting to be a particular (job title) only for your O level results to crush you to deep rock bottom? Because you failed your English / Math / Science only to be stuck in a horrible course that can't bring you anywhere, other than attaining the diploma cert and hopefully land yourself in a better university course or a better job with no relation to your course.

Are you going to wake up to your job that pays 2k a month, scrimp and save every day, just to get married in a posh 5-star hotel and throw a 100 table banquet only to start your whole marriage in a pool of debt? Buy a HDB or maybe condo, and spend the next 5 centuries paying back the housing loan. Then form a family, sending your children to the best prestigious schools with all the extra curriculum that isn't all that needed except spoiling their childhood.

My question is simple, what do you look forward to every morning? And who are you living for? If you are going to live your entire life being manipulated (maybe this word is a tad too strong) then obviously one day when you snap out of your unconsciousness and regain your consciousness, it is probably going to be too late.. Too late to even salvage anything.

Are you just happy going to school/ work at maybe 7am in the morning, spend the rest of your day in front of the computers or desks till 7pm, squeeze in the crowded trains home, reaching home way too tired to do anything, and start your day whole from start again?

Or are you genuinely happy? Because you're really living a life?
Many are alive, but barely breathing.

The sky is beautiful but the people are sad.
It's probably time to start living for yourself.

I'm not happy at my intern place, but I'm contented.
I really am.

Extremes

Extremes — A team I felt like I was never  a part of. I was always needed, for help and other miscellaneous stuff; never for playing for the team nor training. My attendance was not less than any other players yet I was never given the chance to train with the main team or participate in events. I don't know why either but it's all passé. Just happened to chance upon this picture in my phone thus this paragraph. 

Work

Grade 8

Took grade 8 last Friday and it was amazing. Enjoyed myself thoroughly and I can say it's because I gave it my all and I didn't screw up except for sight reading. I'd give anything to take another practical exam, anytime. I enjoyed every second of my performance, I was smiling through the pieces and the examiner told me, "I can tell you're enjoying yourself, it's such a pleasure seeing you play!" Thank you examiner, that meant the world to me. :) 

I am done with my exams and I am lost. I am teacher-less for the next 3 weeks and I find myself aimless. I don't have a direction to work towards to and I am bored. I need piano lessons to begin, pronto. 

You saw it coming

  

Words I wish I listened to 3 years ago. It all happened. I had faith. My faith is gone.   Even though it was mostly my fault. 

piano mock exam

Once again.

I screwed it up. I screwed up my scales, I played the wrong scales, I hit the wrong notes, my fingers didn't match each other and I could say nothing but I screwed up. The examiner (my principal) was so nice to let me play the scales again. It was another 4 octaves of nonsense.

 My fingers twisted in Variation 4 of Air and Variations in E, I couldn't find the notes and I just stopped playing. It took a while to restore my confidence to start playing variation 5. That must have took a fair bit of my marks away. Principal said my waltz was a mess, it didn't sound like a dance at all. Tempi was off all the way, and it needed a lot of improvement. Blue Air was okay, but it needed more colour. But I tried to make the dynamic contrast sound the best I can, but it wasn't enough....

Song of Love was alright, until I screwed Strides for the exercises. Sight reading was shit I can't even find the words to describe it. I hope aural is okay enough to salvage my score.

Principal was nice enough to go through what sucked in my pieces and gave me pointers to improve on my playing. I mean, she literally went through each score and told me what was bad (not good). I guess I needed that, criticism from a third party's point of view. The most genuine ones. And I took it positively, even though I didn't feel good. But it was necessary, she wasn't looking down on me, she was trying to help me. I know. She told me to work harder.

But she doesn't know the amount of effort I put into practicing just for the upcoming exam. The amount of time I sacrifice from my sleep just to practice - only to go to school looking like a zombie. I guess, it's not enough. I HAVE to work harder. I will. I will not disappoint.

Baby Arthur!

I carried a baby for the first time in my life.
Hello baby Arthur, I hope you'll grow up to be a happy child. Because that's what's most important.

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