Looking back

I read my past entries and I've realized my command of the English language was so much better 2 years back. I wondered what exactly happened to it. Maybe once it's lost, it's forever gone. I really hope not because I don't want my command of the language to stay this bad forever.  Nyp, just what have you done to me? Robbed me of my (better) English standard (not that it's that good, but still, it was better) and changed me into a cheena pok.

I really wished I enjoy school. I look at other people enjoying their school life, and only me, hating on school so much every day that I have to drag my feet to school. Why is this only happening to me? I used to enjoy school so much that I wish holidays never ever existed.

I hate myself.
I feel like a dissonant chord now.
It's correct chord but audiences will think it's out of tune.

Hating life right now.

I wish my mom really knew how much I hate school. I really wish she'd try. But she wouldn't. She's not understanding that I'm struggling to pass my modules, she thinks I'm having a easy time because I'm still coping and doing reasonably well for my modules. Do I really have to fail my modules before she'll actually start believing me?

Mommy are you reading this? I hope you are. Words never get conveyed to you because I don't bother explaining myself further because you never ever believe a word I say.

Thankful

Thank you for letting me be me around you.

Thank you for never once judging me with all my silly problems in life.

Thank you for being there when my world was crumbling down on me.

Thank you for answering my past-midnight calls when I needed someone.

Thank you for tearing that wall down that was built around me.

Thank you for letting me be all childish and crazy with you.

Thank you for being in my life.

Both of Us

“and sometimes I wonder, why we care so much about the way we look and the way we talk and the way we act and the clothes we bought, how much that cost, does it even really matter?”

Fake smiles

Just gotta be seen smiling every day.
Whether you like it or not.
Suck it up.
That's how it rolls.

30DC - Day 5

5 Places you want to visit:

USA
Paris
Bangkok (haha)
Taiwan
Venice

30DC - Day 4

The meaning behind your tumblr name:

It was a really really random name!
Because I wanted a name close to the heart (bullshit, yes I know)
and something related to Experiment 626
and I figured out that stitch(es) comes in a package with threads
so there!

Motivation

Exams are finally over and the past week has been one of the most stressful weeks I'd for a while. It wasn't much of the "exams are coming" kind of stress, but rather they're the kind of "I seriously don't know anything because I haven't been paying much attention in class" kind of stress and wanting to learn everything I've learnt for the past 8 weeks in just a week.

I know it's my fault for being that way, although I'd admit that I was really daydreaming for most of the math lectures. But I really paid attention for programming which I really understood nothing, and Mr Chai isn't much of a help though. But this is tertiary education and I can't do much about teachers not wanting to teach and having PMS all of a sudden for some godforsaken reason.

And after 1 week of intense mugging, I finally got my math somewhere up, with the help of Felicia who taught me a lot of math!!! She's a freaking genius I swear. And programming paper was....(finds word to insert) no comments. I really really hope to pass.

I have 6 more days before the new term starts, which equates more stress because it's when all the projects are due and I have many on hand which are undone (partly because they're group work and we're all busy during the holidays...excuses yes I know). And I'm someone who can't handle stress well.

I don't know why, I have more motivation in getting a really difficult piece on the piano rather than studying......I really wanna enjoy studying like how I really enjoy playing the piano. Sigh.

Okay abrupt ending my brain isn't function really well tonight.