What I really want in life. I'm in a course that I absolutely hate, and I really dread going to school every single day. And I really really mean dread. It's seriously a chore to drag my feet to school everyday and I don't even know why I even attend school. I mean, I attend school just because I have no, not that I want to. This dread is becoming fear. I really fear going to school everyday, to pay attention in lectures/tutorials/labs and not understand a single thing. Not because I don't want to, because I cannot understand. It's not within my means. I'm really not cut out for this course. And I'm not giving up without a fight. I tried studying. Sk hard. But I'm still doing really badly. I don't know what I'm doing with my life. Why am I studying something I dread, I fear, so badly? It doesn't help that my tutors has given up on me, has been constantly telling me I'm in the wrong course. I mean, if I had a choice, I wouldn't be here too right?
I want to go to school because I want to. No body understands the fear I am facing just having to go to school alone. I wish somebody did. I want to study something I'm interested in, something I'm passionate about, something I'm willing to take as my job in the future. But all these seem so.. Far. They seem like a dream. And dreams and reality are mutually exclusive. They do not co-exist.
I'm trying to love what I'm doing. But the current situation isn't helping me. I want to study something I really like, love. I'm lost. I need a direction. I'm tired. I'm drained. Do you understand the tiredness I face just by dreading to go to school everyday alone? You don't.
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